When she was in fifth grade, our daughter Natalie decided that she wanted to go by “Talli”. I’ll admit, I didn’t really like how it sounded. Besides, we were her parents and we had named her Natalie. We liked it. She was still a kid. But it was important to her, so we made the choice to switch, and with her training—“Natalie?” “Talli.” “Natalie?” “Talli.”—we were able to do it.
When I started college in 1986, a professor turned back one of my papers covered with red ink. He changed every one of my uses of “mankind” to “humankind”. I was annoyed. It felt clunky and awkward, and I knew I meant everyone, men and women. But it turns out many women didn’t feel included by that phrase, and I realized it was important to me that my intention would be understood and received, so I made the choice to switch.
When Facebook was new, extrovert me loved putting myself out there—pictures, deep thoughts, funny observations (I am really funny, don’t listen to my family). I made an encouragement video for Talli’s high school cross country team, and put it on Facebook. I got really great comments from other parents. So I did another one. But it turns out, my more introverted daughter didn’t want her DAD putting things out there for her friends, drawing attention. I got all internally bent out of shape. It was MY Facebook page. Some of her teammates liked it. But for her sake, I made the choice to stop.
I can think of a whole lot of examples of ways I have worked to change my behavior for the good of someone else: learning to notice when our bathroom is dirty and cleaning it, or learning and using someone’s preferred pronouns, or working to not speak the thoughts which so quickly come to my mind in order to leave space for others to contribute.
I don’t like wearing a mask. My glasses fog up constantly and my ears begin to have a dull ache. I don’t have symptoms. But I wear a mask for the sake of others.
I’m troubled by the way “freedom” and “rights” are being cited without also talking about responsibility for others and care for community.
So true. I appreciate your words here. Humankind may still feel ackward, but it impacts so many wonderful people. Thank you for walking along with me in learning better,kinder ways of speaking to all.