Last Friday night, my wife was murdered by my pregnant lover. I was DEVASTATED. That’s all I could say.
Of course, when the truth all came out, I was just using Bitsy. She was after my trust fund, but little did SHE know that my grandfather had put a clause in his will to give me a substantial chunk of change after I had been married for 5 years…OR became a widower. Hmmm.
Bitsy turned out to be a blackmailing black widow, who already had murdered 6 previous husbands. The lovely Conch Festival Queen in the picture below was my main squeeze before Bitsy came along, and man was she BITTER about my marriage. Sure, she was pregnant with my child, but what’s THAT compared with all the money I could gain through Bitsy…not to mention the fringe benefits.
Frankly, by the end of the night, everything worked out well for me. QUITE well. Wife stabbed by the Conch Queen, thereby saving me the trouble of being responsible for her death (I had hired a hit man…) Pregnant Conch Queen out of my hair in prison. 14 million dollars from the dead black widow bride and 50 million dollars from my grandfather’s estate in my pocket, not to mention all kinds of women to pursue.
(Yes, I look stupid, but remember…I WAS IN CHARACTER!)